You've trawled the high street and the internet (all of it

You won't have seen them in shops, retailers are too scared of this daring sensation. Maybe they think it's too hard for the customer to install? Nonsense, any fool can do it, even a crazed decorating slave like you. Maybe they think it's too niche, too specialized? Well they haven't counted on the existence of home accessory thrill seekers like you, riding the cutting edge and plunging off into the unknown in desperate attempts to satisfy their twisted need.

'But what is a wall sticker?' I hear you wail as you claw, whimpering at my door while I grin at your pathetic form through the letterbox from the safety of my achingly cool pad-or-ette. Simply put, it is a sticky backed poly-vinyl silhouette sandwiched between two sheets that will adhere to any smooth surface, is UV resistant in direct sunlight for five years and will leave the wall unscathed when it is removed, ready for the next design in your increasingly desperate attempts to satiate your demented, swivel-eyed lust.

The moaning increases as I list further benefits of this incredible boon to the terminal interiors ghoul: They are available in countless shapes and sizes, featuring designs of anything from birdcages to forests, superstar celebrities to cuddly bunnies. Many are even tasteful. They range in price from about thirty pounds to a hundred and fifty. Many come with myriad colour options and some are even full colour printed. They are gone in an instant or last forever.....

'Please let me have one' you groan though the gap under the door while I decide which espadrilles I shall wear to climb the stairs and away from this unpleasantness. 'You'll have to look online' I say and list a handful of reputable operators in the field. Eventually the sobbing recedes and peace descends once more on my fabulous home.

Where will it all end, this frantic search for novelty? Will you be found one day upside down in a bucket with all your ceilings covered in clogs? Will you remove the roof of your home and try and turn it into a yacht? Who knows. Hopefully we can delay the inevitable and divert you for a while and perhaps even stop the frenzy altogether, after all, wall stickers are practically infinite in themselves. But I fear your case is a bad one and a brief respite is all we can hope for. Still, your friends will be impressed, even if this is your last gasp of sanity.